Fight, flight, and freeze, oh no! How to help a child that is feeling anxious?
by Tori Volanksi, LMSW
Can you believe that summer is in full swing and school supplies are already on the shelves again? With things settling down you may begin to notice that your child is having more worry, unease, or an increased sense of being on edge. After a period of prolonged stress and maintaining so many emotions it is fairly common to see an uptick in anxious behaviors as things start to settle down. As you feel some weight lifted off of your shoulders, your child is feeling that as well and in turn, more of their stress bubbles up to the surface.
Anxiety can present itself in a variety of situations, behaviors and thoughts. Everyone’s body has a system that is prewired to keep us safe in dangerous situations. Sometimes when we are experiencing anxiety our brain actually tricks our body into a panic even if there is no current threat. For kids this looks like having a flight, fight, or freeze response when presented with a change in routine, new situation, new food, or anything that may feel overwhelming to them.
What exactly does Fight, Flight, Freeze look like?
A fight response can present as physical behaviors such as hitting, kicking, yelling, or even verbally resisting with arguments eventually ending in a power struggle.
A flight response often presents as a child running away, hiding somewhere, restlessness, and fidgeting uncomfortably or more than in the past.
A freeze response can look like children zoning out, ignoring you, holding their breath or they can have a difficult time putting together words or formulating thoughts.
As kids settle back into their previous routines they may become fearful or stressed about things that they previously enjoyed. The last year has been strange for them too! So what can you do to help?
There are many ways to help your kiddo feel better if they are experiencing anxiety. To start, you can reflect how they are feeling using emotion words (ex: you seem worried). This helps them feel understood and promotes their sense of safety so that their body can begin to calm down. Once you feel that they are able to hear the words you are saying you can redirect them to something that might help calm their body down, such as deep breathing, getting a drink of water, or doing some jumping jacks. Exactly what will work for your child is unique to them.
If you’ve noticed your child has been displaying any of these behaviors, you can help them set up a calm down corner or area that they can use anytime they need to reregulate their body. Remind them that they can always come to you for help or a hug as well but that this will be a space just for them! Never send your child to their calm down corner as a punishment, but instead allow this space to be a tool that they can learn to use when it is helpful for them. Overtime they may ask to change items in the space as they learn what works for them and what does not.
How to set up a calm down corner:
At a time when your child is already calm, ask them if they’d like to set up a special spot in the house for them to use when they need some space or want to calm down.
Pick a spot that can be quiet and provides a bit of privacy. Some kids may want to put a blanket up, similar to a fort.
Collect items that can help your child calm down, consider including things to calm each of their senses plus a few extra things to make the space comfy
Touch - a stress ball, a fuzzy stuffed animal, a blanket or weighted blanket
Smell - an air freshener, scented stuffed animal, scented markers or crayons and paper
Sight - twinkle lights, a small lamp, or a flashlight
Sound - a sound machine, or a noise maker such as a bottle with beads in it
Taste - a favorite snack or gum if allowed
Extras - a pinwheel to help them take deep breaths, seating like a bean bag or pillow, a few of their favorite books, a puzzle,